


Too Busy Being Yours To Fall For Someone New

by lovethatwewerein



Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethatwewerein/pseuds/lovethatwewerein
Summary: “This has to end.”The words bounced in his head, no less passionate than the moment they’d been said hours before. Repeating them to himself was all he could do to ignore everything else that had been said, to ignore how many reasons had pierced his skin before that final nail in his coffin, to ignore the pained look on Kurt’s face even as he said they were over.---Day 5 - Hurt/Comfort
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842061
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	Too Busy Being Yours To Fall For Someone New

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Do I Wanna Know' by Arctic Monkeys

“This has to end.”

The words bounced in his head, no less passionate than the moment they’d been said hours before. Repeating them to himself was all he could do to ignore everything else that had been said, to ignore how many reasons had pierced his skin before that final nail in his coffin, to ignore the pained look on Kurt’s face even as he said they were over. 

He’d fought for them, attempted to overcome every challenge they’d faced as a couple - distance, solos, even the jealousy neither of them anticipated from the other - but it hadn’t been enough. 

It killed him to admit that Kurt might’ve been right, that they couldn’t win in the end, no matter how in love they were. Maybe they needed more effort to last than he or Kurt was willing to put in, because it just hadn’t worked so far. He would’ve willingly forgotten all of their problems until now. The anger that burned in Kurt’s eyes during West Side Story. The envy in them the evening they’d gone to Scandals with Sebastian. The barely disguised infatuation with every message from Chandler. He’d forgive it all for one more chance, for them to be together again.

There wasn’t a them anymore though, that much was painfully clear. Kurt was going to New York, to fulfill his dreams even without the help of NYADA. He was going to be stuck in Ohio for another year, and who knew if they would’ve survived long distance anyway. They were over before they truly made it into the real world, before they were the makers of their own destinies far from the nothingness of Lima, far from the haunting memories of times before they were Kurt and Blaine. 

He was still Blaine though, still destined to wander a building that had only ever existed with Kurt. That had become a part of his life because of a relationship. He had the rest of summer to mope, to forget holding Kurt in his arms under the gym’s fluorescent lighting, the secret kisses between classes where they couldn’t be seen. McKinley had never been his home - Kurt had been his home - and now he was left with memories of what had once existed. 

Dinner was a silent affair aside from the radio in the background, the sorrow in his eyes familiar to his mother but ignored. She ignored the obvious heartbreak in her eyes and he ignored the empty place setting where his father should be. His father who his mother was still hopelessly in love with, even if he refused to be in the same room as her son. 

He’d noticed it a lot since transferring to McKinley, the absence of his father, the strain it put on his own relationship with his mother. The only time they’d spent together was Christmas, Cooper holding them together with all the charm and charisma in his body, and no one had enjoyed it. His father didn’t love him and that was fine. At least he’d paid Blaine’s hospital bills.

That night he didn’t cry, the sadness settled deep in his bones rendering him incapable (or that’s what he assumed). His ceiling was a distraction, the light of the moon faint but enough to see the bare expanse of it over his head. There was the glow of his alarm clock, the bright green of the numbers branding his mind. 02:34. He’d spent so many nights still awake at this time, the whisper of Kurt’s voice in his ear heavy from tiredness, but they’d still carried on talking. 

He wondered if that was the real problem, the nights spent talking about nothing under the shelter of the night sky, his mother in a deep sleep at the other end of the hall. That could be what he missed most, and he was desperate enough to call a number he hadn’t looked at in months.

“Blaine?” 

Sebastian’s voice cracked slightly, possibly from sleep or perhaps just from drinking too much (a habit Blaine knew he wouldn’t have given up since they last spoke). It was comforting to assume that some things didn’t change with time, even when life moved too fast. Even when he was left behind. 

“Hi.” He whispered, not worried that his mum would hear, but anxious at the reaction he was sure to get from the other boy. There was no reason for him to reach out, but there was also no reason for Sebastian to have picked up, so they might just both have wanted this without realising. 

“It’s almost three in the morning, Blaine.”

“I know.” 

“Are you going to tell me why you’ve called,” Sebastian asked, the slightest infliction in his voice that gave away his smirk. It didn’t surprise him too much that he could still pick up on his facial expressions by tone of voice, the attention he’d paid to the other boy during their friendship almost frightening when he considered it in detail. “Or am I supposed to guess?”

Blaine fell silent, debating how honest he should be. Sebastian could be objective in situations like these, but he’d also despised Kurt. That hatred could come out full force with the truth, each comment a dig at Kurt, and he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for that. The only other option was a half-truth - admitting that he’d missed the other boy. He knew which one frightened him less.

“Kurt and I broke up.” 

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I never thought it would last.”

“What made you think that?”

Sebastian’s sigh was heavy, the one that had always meant he was thinking deeply. “He was always jealous of you, Blaine. Every opportunity you were given, each competition solo and the role of Tony - he could never accept that you were better than he was.”

“I wasn’t better than he was.” He protested, voice weak despite the belief he had in his argument. 

“You were always better than he was.”

“Kurt’s really talented.” 

“It doesn’t matter.” The line went silent for a moment. “You have this way about you, Blaine. You draw people in with this unexplainable charm. It’s… It’s intoxicating. And what makes you special is that you don’t realise how talented you are.”

He shifted into a sitting position, picking at his duvet cover as he answered. “I’m not any more talented than Kurt. He’s incredible. You just don’t like him.” 

“I know he’s talented. Even I can admit that. Buy you Blaine, you have what most people in the industry don’t. You’re so damn modest, and that’s great, but it means you don’t recognise how incredible you are.” 

“Who says I want to go into theatre?”

“Come on, Blaine. We both know that you could do it if it’s what you wanted.”

“And if it’s not what I want?”

“Then you could do whatever it is you do want to do.”

They both fell silent at that. It was rare for Sebastian’s compliments to be sincere without being flirtatious. As much as he denied it, he knew that Sebastian was right. If he chose to go into theatre, he could be amazing. He wasn’t ruling it out, his passion for performing something he wouldn’t forget at any point, but he couldn’t claim it was the way he wanted to make a living. There were so many other jobs out there, ones that would let him help others and ones that would give him the chance to help the planet, but he wasn’t ready to commit to any of them. 

“I don’t want to go into law.” Sebastian said, cutting through the tension effortlessly. He’d imagined Sebastian wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps, make a name for himself where he could argue his point for money. “I can’t support a system that doesn’t think I should be able to prove my love for someone in court. I know that it’s possible gay marriage will be legal by the time I’m actually a lawyer, but I’d still know that there could be people I work with that don’t think it’s right.”  
“That’s not what I was expecting.” 

“I’ve always been full of surprises.” 

“What do you think you’ll do instead?” He was genuinely curious. Sebastian’s personality was only suited for certain jobs, being too snarky for retail and probably too sleazy for the military. 

“Maybe politics. There’s plenty of questionable characters already lining the way for me.”

“You’d fit right in,” Blaine laughed. “You could be the first gay president.” 

“I definitely could.”

“Even with all the underhand tactics, you were a great captain of the Warblers. They were pure chaos when I left.” 

Sebastian chuckled. “What’s the 2-step of the country and how can I get rid of it?” 

After that they stayed on the phone for a couple more hours, the sun peeking over the horizon making Blaine aware of the time. It was so easy to lose himself in Sebastian’s words, the confidence behind every sentence, and forget that he should be sleeping. Talking to Sebastian made forgetting about life for a moment much simpler than it should be. 

He didn’t wake up until past noon, his phone dead where it rested on the bed near his waist. There was a note on the table from his mum, explaining that she had gone to a friend’s and wouldn’t be back until late, if at all. It wouldn’t be the first time this year that she left for the night, happening almost every time his father didn’t come home. 

It was no mystery who her friend was, some man she’d met while shopping one day that she never mentioned by name, and he could guess exactly what they were doing. His parents hadn’t been together for a long time, falling apart from the second he came out and the seams ripping open completely with all the time he spent in hospital. That didn’t mean their obvious infidelity hurt any less.

He wasted the rest of the day away with a tub of ice cream and a pizza, watching Moulin Rouge so the tears would finally come with the first notes of ‘Come What May’ and reminiscing over all the days spent with Kurt on the sofa. 

That’s how he fell asleep, curled on the couch with red-rimmed eyes. He dreamed of following Kurt to New York, finding a place where they could be them again, only to have it come crashing down around him when Kurt kissed some faceless stranger in front of him. He dreamed of being on Broadway, heart beating loudly in his ears when he made it on stage but couldn’t find the words, causing him to hide out until the world ended. He dreamed of Sebastian becoming president, pride surging through his veins whenever he saw him, then of countless riots in the street that drove him out of office before he could make any meaningful change in the world. 

Keys jingling in the door woke him up the next morning, his mother’s hushed voice barely registering as he squinted against the sunlight streaming in through the window. His mouth felt like he’d eaten cotton, and his eyes were dryer than the time Cooper had accidentally thrown sand in them when he was 7, but he chose to clean up first.

By the time he’d gotten ready for the day his mum was gone again, no note for him on the counter. He went through his messages - a dozen or so voicemails from Rachel waiting for him and several texts from members of the Warblers and New Directions alike - but chose not to respond to any of them. 

Of course Kurt had told everyone already, fully prepared to move on with his life and leave Blaine to pick up the pieces. It gave him some satisfaction to know that he’d told Sebastian, that at least one person had heard about it from him. Having someone in his corner, even if no one knew it and it was just fleeting support, was comfort enough. 

His phone buzzed while he made himself breakfast, not ready to fall into the same habits as he had before landing in hospital. 

_Busy today?_

Blaine bit his lip. As much as he didn’t want to fall back into old habits, Sebastian had never been the worst of them. Being the other boy's friend had been so much more dangerous when he’d had a boyfriend, and that wasn’t a concern anymore. Now, Sebastian was the only person that had his back for definite, and that meant nothing could go too badly. Right?

_What did you have in mind?_

*

“I’m just saying that it doesn’t excuse what he did.”

Blaine glared at Sebastian over the top of his mug, blanket pooled at his waist and hair mussed from where they’d been lying down. “But he was still a good guy, even if he was a bit backwards.” 

“He was a terrible person. He was abusive and selfish. That can’t be excused.”

“He wasn’t a villain.”

“Of course he was a villain.”  
“Severus Snape wasn’t a bad guy. He was just bad at showing he cared.” 

Sebastian rolled his eyes, smirking as he explained his point. They’d made it a habit to hang out often as summer went by, Sebastian hoping for advice on getting the Warblers to trust him again and Blaine just wanting a friend that he didn’t share with Kurt. 

It was different to the first time they’d been friends, both of them less desperate for something they couldn’t have. They were calmer in themselves, the stress of school and the tension that had always been present with Kurt in the picture absent. In such a short time Sebastian had become his best friend, and that scared him more than he was willing to let on.

“You heard from Kurt at all?” 

The question came out of nowhere. Blaine’s jaw dropped open, the interested tone clear in Sebastian’s question. 

“Ye- yeah, actually.” He tripped over the words, picking at the blanket on his lap without meeting the other’s eyes. “He messaged me the other day. I didn’t respond.” 

“What did he say?” 

Blaine leaned forward to grab his phone from the coffee table, hand shaking with uncertainty. He knew exactly what the text said, but saying it wasn’t something he had the strength to do. He entered his password with trembling fingers, passing it over to Sebastian. The brush of their fingertips ignited his skin, but his pulse was racing and his ears were ringing so it didn’t matter. 

He watched as Sebastian’s green eyes took in the words from his ex-boyfriend, jaw moving with whatever words he chose not to say. He could only guess what the other wanted to say, the expletives he surely wanted to express but didn’t out of respect. Blaine knew that he’d probably already said everything Sebastian would when the message had first come through. 

_Do you think we made a mistake?_

A week before he probably would’ve answered Kurt, told him that he would try again, that he would give one hundred and ten percent more than he had before. But that was before he’d given his all to his friendship with Sebastian. Before they’d spoken about what went wrong, before Sebastian apologised for the slushie and he apologised for refusing to give him a second chance when he asked. 

“Are you planning to respond?”

Blaine shuffled in his seat, gaze still focused on the frown lines around Sebastian’s mouth. It would be simple to turn his attention to the freckles that worked their way down his throat, or the sweat that was gathering at his collarbone. 

“I wouldn’t know what to say.” 

“Can I be honest with you?” Sebastian asked, the sincerity in his eyes shining. His Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, and Blaine refused to acknowledge how attractive he thought it was. He continued after Blaine’ nod. “I think he’s just having a hard time settling in and he wants to use you as a tie to home.” 

“That’s very specific.”

“It is, yeah. But I’ve _been_ Kurt, loath as I am to admit it. Leaving your family behind, abandoning everything you’ve ever known in pursuit of something else - it’s hard. I reached out to an old fuck buddy from Paris for months after I moved to Ohio just because Paris was home for so long. It wasn’t pretty.” 

“If that’s the case,” he started, not really sure if this was the best path to go down. “What do you think I should do?” 

Sebastian sighed. “Be honest.” 

He handed him back his phone, Kurt’s contact up on the screen. Sebastian stood up, making his way towards the kitchen. He couldn’t tell if it was for privacy or not, but he appreciated the sentiment all the same. 

He stared at Kurt’s phone number in front of him, thoughts swirling at a speed where they were barely recognisable. As little sense as it made, Sebastian’s advice was almost always perfect, even without experience behind it. With a second glance at the door he pressed ‘call’.

Kurt answered after three rings.

“Blaine? I didn’t expect to hear from you.” 

“I thought it might be better to talk like this.” 

“Yeah. No. It's… It’s great to hear your voice,” Something rustled in the background of the call. “How have you been?” 

“I’ve been better.” he responded, more bitter than he’d expected. 

“Me too.”  
The line fell silent. Blaine tried to listen for Sebastian moving around the house, but wherever he’d gone he was being quiet.

“I was actually calling about your last message,” he admitted. Kurt’s short gasp enough to tell him what he already knew. 

“I… I’d hoped.” Kurt’s voice was small from the other end of the line, a combination of worried and despondent that almost had Blaine changing his mind. 

“I don’t think we made a mistake.”

He screwed his eyes shut when Kurt’s voice cracked with the next sentence, hoping that it would stop the onslaught of emotions that rushed through his body. It didn’t. 

“You don’t think that we could’ve made it work?”

“I think we relied too heavily on each other to work in the long run. I started to depend on you, Kurt, and you wouldn’t be able to be there when I always needed you. That would’ve ruined us in the future.” 

A sniffle. “Those sound like someone else’s words, Blaine.” 

“They’re my words, Kurt. It just took me a while to figure it out.” 

“Then I guess we have nothing else to talk about.” he swallowed, ignoring the tug of his heartstrings with every heavy breath from Kurt. Knowing that he was the cause of that pain, the pain of someone he loved, made his chest ache. It killed him to move forward without losing control over his own emotions, but it had to be done. 

“I suppose this is goodbye.” 

“I suppose it is,” Kurt whispered. They’d learn to exist independently, and then to exist as friends when it came to the New Directions, but they’d never be _them_ again. He found himself oddly calmed by that. “Goodbye, Blaine.”

“Goodbye, Kurt.” 

He stared blankly at the screen once the call ended, everything he’d been unsure of suddenly making perfect sense. He’d be ok with time. They both would. They had good friends to support them, and they’d been through enough to have the strength needed to get over it eventually. They’d be ok. That was enough. 

Sebastian came back into the room ten minutes later, a bowl of ice cream in each hand. Maybe they hadn’t had the greatest start, their original foundation built on nothing but sexual tension, but with the effort they were putting into their friendship now he was sure they’d manage just fine too. 

“Fancy starting that Marvel marathon now?” 

“Sounds like a plan.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm at love-that-we-were-in on tumblr


End file.
